Roses are green
Violets are green
Everything is green
Everything is black.

My night vision goggles need new batteries.

Every high school has that annoying security guard who acts like the principal.

@deepthoughts2

Approach life with the same confidence that random Indian men approach women online.

@deepthoughts2

If it makes you happy it doesn’t need to make sense to anybody else

@deepthoughts2

People sorting by new are literally sacrificing their brain cells to save us from other peoples ignorance.

@deepthoughts2

Happy National Anaesthesia Day, everyb..................

@deepthoughts2

I said to my wife, "I said a prayer for your mother last night."

She said, "Why? She's not dying."

I said, "I know, why do you think I was praying."

@deepthoughts2

If it walks like a duck, looks like a duck, and sounds like a duck.

Should be a duck.

@deepthoughts2

Someone has just bet me that I cannot make a sentence without using the letter 'e'.

How the fuck am I going to do that?

@deepthoughts2

If dogs could use phones, they'd file missing persons reports all day long.

@deepthoughts2

You know you’re good at something when you can convincingly pretend to be bad at it to spare someone’s feelings.

@deepthoughts2

Realistically, no one's going to recognize a zig zag until it becomes a zig zag zig.

@deepthoughts2

I'm not a prophet but the person reading this is holding a phone with a cracked screen.🚶‍♂️

@deepthoughts2

I've been hearing things like "Legends are born in October,. Kings & Queens born in June" ..but these April babies are so silent...... Fools are born in which month?😂😂😂🤣

@deepthoughts2

Can't wait to get rich and tell people that "money is not everything,as long as u happy"😏

@deepthoughts2

You drink your saliva all the time, but as soon as it leaves your mouth it’s disgusting to think about drinking it.

@deepthoughts2

That awkward moment when your mom is washing the dishes and you put one in the sink.

@deepthoughts2

When people say you've changed there's 95% chance that u stoped acting the way they wanted you to.
#fact

@deepthoughts2

That awkward moment when you look fine in the mirror then soon as u take a picture you look like a troll

#subscriber
@deepthoughts2

How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They’ll just shoot the room for being black

@deepthoughts2

Don't call yourself my friend if we respect each other

@deepthoughts2